How to govern one’s ego and increase self-awareness

Discover how to manage the ego through practical strategies. Find a balance between mind and heart to promote personal growth.


Claudia Vece – 29 January 2024

The ego is a fundamental part of our personality, the ego represents the mental, so it is that part of us that compares ourselves to others, that calculates loss and gain in every situation, that feels separate from others and always wants to win and be the best.

The ego identifies itself with matter, things, objects and money and creates a conscious representation of us, that image and identity we have of ourselves. This is why the ego, if not governed by the energy of the heart, can become an obstacle as it takes over with arrogance and superiority, and limits us in our personal growth.

Governing one’s ego is a major challenge that requires awareness and commitment, in order to create balance between mind and heart and to live a balanced and fulfilling life.

In this article, we will explore some practical strategies to learn how to manage the ego and cultivate greater self-awareness.

The energy and actions that characterise a strong ego

The more the ego is bursting, the greater the feeling of separation between self and others, the greater the desire to be superior and better than others, and the greater the competition between self and other people. The ego always wants more and never stops in its quest for power, it wants to be the best and always wants to win. The ego is there to calculate our victories, space, time and money.

The ego cares neither for relationships nor for well-being, so we must be careful who we express ourselves within in every situation. While the ego is a facilitator of success because it gives grit and willpower, it is also destructive because it is overbearing, arrogant and uncaring, and tends to sabotage well-being, relationships and personal growth. Therefore, it is essential to get to know one’s ego, to accept it as part of us and to govern it in order to create balance between the energy of the mind and heart.

The energy of the heart is at the service of life

There is another energy within us, perhaps the most important: the energy of the heart. This is where emotions such as joy, sharing, compassion and gratitude are born. All positive emotions belong to the energy of the heart, while negative emotions arise when the heart is no longer in tune but the ego takes over.  Reconnecting to one’s life energy, to the energy of love and sharing, allows one to restore balance between mind and body, between the energies of ego and heart. Work with a coach is necessary if you realise you have isolated yourself in the dark in the competitive mental dynamics of the ego, where there are no positive feelings but only drives: the desire to be more and to possess more.

The ego has a positive intention in the behaviour it expresses

The ego, when it takes over, always has a positive intention, e.g. it wants to agree with us in confrontation with others and wants to protect us from our environment.

The ego generally has a positive intention, but it is its way of expressing itself that is not always the most suitable. The ego is like a boss: it ensures that everything goes well, that the company proceeds towards its success and that it stays first in its field.

The ego actively participates in the creation of our identity, what is not right is to identify with one’s ego and become that human form that expresses itself in superiority, competition, demonstration and through possession.

Disidentifying from who you think you are

What builds and feeds the ego, and is also what prevents us from evolving, is who we think we are. The ego identifies with thoughts, things we possess and victories we have collected. That is how it tends to prove who we are. Therefore, if someone makes us feel uncomfortable in social interactions, or questions our abilities, our ego will take over and try to defend us. It will need to make us feel that we really are who we think we are, it will do everything to prove it around us. To master the ego, we must first detach ourselves from what we think we are. The image we have of ourselves is only an image, it is only a part of us. We are more than a mere calculation, we are a soul that expresses itself through the energy of positive emotions, those belonging to the energy of the heart.

Self-awareness: congratulate, thank and love

Governing one’s ego starts with talking to oneself in a kind way, to create a loving relationship with oneself, where one gives thanks and listens to one’s true needs, those related to the soul. One must therefore become aware of one’s thoughts and emotions in order to govern one’s ego. It is essential to observe one’s thoughts and emotions without judgement, to recognise when the ego expresses itself in its tendency to defend who we are and the search for approval from others. Being aware of one’s thoughts and emotions gives one the power to choose, how to be and how to act.

Practising humility in relationships with others

The ego tends to make us believe that we are superior to others or that our opinions are always the best; therefore, we must learn to cultivate humility by accepting that we do not have all the answers and that we can learn from others. To get rid of the bursting ego and govern it with more presence, we must learn to be in relationship, sincerely listening to the opinions of others and reconnecting with others. Let us learn to be sincerely interested in the experiences of others in order to understand each other’s perspectives and thus seek points of convergence instead of focusing only on differences. We should learn to accept feedback with gratitude and without automatically defending ourselves, as feedback can offer us an opportunity for growth and self-improvement. Since ego often drives us to give an image of ourselves that we want others to see, let us then learn to be authentic and live in tune with our values and passions.

Ruling one’s ego is a realisation that we are more than just a mental calculation and that we have an emotional wealth within us that, when expressed, leads us to unity and growth with others. Growing in awareness takes time, practice and constant self-observation.

If you believe the time has come for you to do some concrete work on your personality to harmonise the parts of you and to find more balance, you can contact us and we will be happy to offer you a free, no-obligation meeting to do an analysis for your personal improvement and growth.

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